It's Alive!

My ability to feel good seeing myself in the eyes of someone who sees something in me and have that reflected back through my own gaze.

Today was an unusal 24 hours in that I experienced a range of emotions I had no intention on engaging.

This morning I went shopping with a friend of mine at an outlet near Mexico. Wonderful shopping to be had while walking in the warm embrace of the San Diego type of perfect-day-sunshine. A cloud of negativity and sadness blurred my vision when I found that my cell phone... My NEW cell phone.. My new Verizon Chocolate cell phone.. was stolen. What?! I know.. gone. I had not even figured out all of the wonderful things I could do with it before it took its leave. I almost cried. Then I thought of my Sister who just had her car broken into and she lost much more than that. Today she is smiling and moving on. It is just a phone. Whatever.

I came home to get ready to attend the wedding celebration of a good friend of mine and forget about my little woes for a few hours. I did not get particularly dolled up, just respectful and presentable. The wedding celebration for Carolyn was wonderful. In attendance were many of her friends, that blossomed with a diversity rarely seen in San Diego. Every ethnic background, religion, politcal affiliation and sexual orientation was represented! Beautiful. During the ceremony, Carolyn introduced her family who hail from Brazil and now around the globe. If I ever thought Carolyn was gorgeous (and I always do), I now know that it is genetic. Like some people inherit alcoholism and bad teeth, this is a family of beautiful people, both inside and out. She comes by it honestly.

The celebration was filled with love and humor. Good food and conversation. New connections and reconnections. Carolyn introduced her family to everyone in the audience. One by one, those of us hearing the introductions were intrigued by the multifacetedness of this eclectic group. Poets, Scientists, Artists, Writers, Film makers, Environmentalists, Missionaries... I felt I should go home and figure out what I could contribute to the world that could measure up. But in a good way.

That is when I saw full view, her brother Greg. Oh, yes. You are right and I admit it. I noticed him the moment I walked in. Tall, bronze, and so handsome that, like the sun, I could not look directly at him. Carolyn told me I should be sure to introduce myself. Yea. Right. This guy would never be interested in me. So I ignored him. Effectively. Until later in the evening, when Carolyn would not let me leave, I found myself outside chatting away by the dessert table. Greg was there too, chatting with other people. Before long he came over to my little crowd of confidantes and began to speak to one of the guys. It was difficult not to look at him then. Where are my shades when I need them?

Julia came by to grab a piece of cake and chat with us.. and it was then I got the nerve to introduce myself, clumsily sticking my hand out for him to shake as I told him my name. He was very polite and gracious and we talked for few minutes, then parted ways. A cloud of affection crossed my path as I watched him walk away. In the kitchen, helping with the food packing.. I leaned in and whispered to Julia that I was in love. Okay, maybe it is not love, but Wow, it was something! I told her that I knew he would not be interested in me but it sure was nice speaking with him. Julia laughed...telling me how oblivious I am to men who find me attractive, which he apparently did. Now this was too much for my little brain to absorb. Soon after he came over and asked for my number and email address (I proceeded to shake down everyone in the hall for pen and paper..discreetly) so I could give it to him. When I did, he asked me to slip it in his pocket because his hands were wet from washing dishes. I complied, and only hope that I wasn't smiling as big as I think I might have been. (A girl has to maintain some cool). He invited me back to their beach house rental along with a few other people to close the evening.

I could think of no better way to end this evening celebrating love than to have spent it with this group of people. We sat around talking and telling stories, recounting the day for the Bride. We drank coffee and soda..listened to original poetry and reveled in the energy. I sat with Greg and we chatted off and on..he walked me to my car and said that he would be in contact..gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug as we said goodbye.

I may never hear from Greg again.. but it was a lovely evening and his attention was a gift.

What more need be said?