Journey to Freedom

Going on a much-needed vacation excited her. The job had been stressing her but so had her relationship. So when he suggested that they go for a week to Tahiti, where she had never been, her heart could not help but race with anticipation.She hoped that he would not cancel at the last minute, as he had done before. The trip to London, canceled because she had not answered his phone messages in a timely enough fashion and he was having doubt. Then there was the trip to Arizona for a sport vacation… canceled because he was upset with her fondness over the new President of the United States. So many disappointments, yet she still had hope that this would go through and that it would be good time spent together.

About two weeks before their departure date, he called to tell her that there had been a change in plans and he hoped that she would not be upset. Here it was, she thought. The cancel call. He did not call to cancel, but to tell her that he invited two of his family members to travel with them. Relieved, she said “No problem!”At the airport, everyone was excited and ready to board the plane for the 9-hour trip. Boarding the plane after their traditional bloody Mary for her, and chardonnay for him, in the airport bar, all was good.

When they landed it was hot and gorgeous, and though fatigued from plane ride, she and his relatives were ready to hit the beach. He was ready to hit the bed for a nap. And so they did, and he did not rise until the next day. The plan was to do some sightseeing, have a nice lunch together and figure out some things to do during their visit. Beach time, museums on land and under water, waterfalls and nature preserves. At dinner on the second evening, the two of them were alone. He was quiet, so she started some conversation in which he reluctantly and sarcastically participated. Not new, she thought, but maybe she could break him out of it. Turning toward other diners, he gave a small scowl at a young woman and man with extensive tattoos. “That is so stupid and disgusting”, he said. “What is?” she replied as she was unsure of what he was referencing. “People with tattoos like that are stupid”. She responded that she thought it was quite intriguing and not stupid at all. Particularly in this part of the world where tattoos are intensely cultural and connected to spirituality. He looked at her with some disdain and told her that he could not even continue a conversation with her. That she was obviously so silly and stupid herself as to even think that. They finished their dinner in silence. And for the next few days, he did not speak to her unless absolutely necessary.

Since there was no conversation, there certainly was no sex between them or any other expressions of love and/or affection. Then one evening he called her into the bathroom. When she came in wondering what this could be about, he walked over and put his arm around her shoulder. He then walked her over to the toilet and opened it. Still not understanding what he wanted, he pointed to something inside the toilet. Literally a piece of shit is what his finger pointed towards as he asked her what it was and why it was there. When she said it looks like something that should be in the toilet and that she did not know where it came from. He told her it did not come from him, which he was quite sure about, so it must have come from her. He recommended that she clean it up, as it was quite disgusting for him. She did not clean it up and took her rest to the couch where she spent the rest of the trip in a beautiful place in a horrible situation.

Ghetto not so Fabulous....

You know, I hate stereotypes.
I used to very reluctant to tell people where I grew up out of fear that they would label, judge and dismiss me. As I have grown older, the exact opposite view has occupied my consciousness. I now want people to know that I was raised in Compton, so that they have a different paradigm in which to operate. Not all people from a so called "ghetto" are stupid, drug addicted, gang members.

But in my most recent visit home... The following images are what greeted me. I thought to myself
"What the hell is going on here. This cannot be real" A grown woman chasing young boys down the street in her underwear. Cursing them. Beating them. In her front yard for the whole neighborhood to witness.

I was saddened because she blew the stereotype out of the window. Shattered it to pieces and rebuilt it in a worse way. Here I am ... doing exactly what I feared other people would do to me..
judge. Dismiss. Label.

So what do I do as another woman who lives on the street imaged here? I can't help her. Intervene and make her life better. I simply must do the best that I can to set a different example so people know that 1 person can never represent a whole group...

One day to the next...

One day you are fine.
Worrying about your lists of things to do. Frustrated with the state of affairs locally and globally.
Maybe grateful for some things that go your way... Planning your future..

I just learned this evening that a friend and colleague of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer last week and will undergo surgery next week. In a flash it all changes. Those things that were once so important are now nothing. Now things that you wish you never wasted your time and energy on. But you did. We all do.

We can change that.

Be grateful for each and every moment that you have your health, your family..your friends.

Now I am thinking of the ways in which I can be a good friend to someone who needs me... who needs all of those around her... to push her toward healing. And reminds each of us of what is truly important in this life.

People

Love

Compassion

Peace

Crime in the City

They did get all of my music..which is indeed a temporary loss. But completely replaceable...One can only hope they do not choose this line of work for a long term career.

Oldies but Goodies

The plan was clear and in place.
My sister and I planned to have a joint birthday party for our parents. Something we had never done that would serve two purposes: Bringing family together and bringing the parents together.

The Evite was sent, the responses (though few) came in.. and we figured, though small, it would still be a nice event. Being a real cultural phenomenon, we knew that at least a few more people would show up than had rsvp'd. We invited 14 and 35 showed up. Not bad...

The day began with the expectation that one of our uncles would come over early to help barbeque the meat. Neither my sister or I have a lot of experience in this field so we were happy to have some help. We got up early prepared to get some things taken care before we get dressed for guest arrival. I ran downstairs to move my car out of the driveway so that my sister could start running errands. It was then, that I noticed, while she was talking to me about what needed to get done, there was a file of green glass next to my car. I heard nothing of what she said, but interrupted and asked her, "Do you see that?" She turned around and saw the giant hole in my drivers side window.. Smash and grab. Someone broke the window and snatched whatever they could get out of my car. After a call to the police, official police report and fingerprinting of my car, I collected myself and let go. This wasn't so bad. I still had my car..and I also still had the golf clubs that were in my trunk. All they got was a Maui tote bag with my old golf shoes, some clothes and another pair of shoes that needed repair. Apparently the robbers wanted my old golf shoes even less than I did. I found them in the middle of the street around the corner from my sister's hours. Tossed out of a car window in disgust and frustration I am sure.

As we welcomed Uncle Will into the backyard to set up the bbq and get started, we had a sinking feeling. When he volunteered to do the cooking, it seemed too good to be true. It was. Granted it was 100 degrees outside... but my uncle did NO cooking and all the drinking. He had 4 beers in the span of 1.5 hours. He lit the grill and proceeded to sit down with his Bud Light. He did not get our of his chair except to look for more ice.

Since I was having my crash course in grilling..while cleaning and cooking other items.. the panic..no, not panic. Just sheer frustration was kicking in. My sister spent 3 of the wee hours the morning before downloading "old school" music from iTunes. While we were working and cooking, we put on the ipod to stay in the party mood. Suddenly the music stopped. The ipod was frozen and the reset was not working... what is going on?

I worked on fixing the music while she washed dishes. I heard a scream and saw a fountain of water shooting the kitchen sink. What happened? My sister looked at me in disbelief...in her hand was the head of the faucet and water was soaking her from head to toe. I stifled my giggle and ran to turn of the water. While I mopped, she called the plumber only to find out they could not come out until 7pm... it was 11am when we called.

Okay..no worries. we can handle this.. Yes we can!

Cleaning up the kitchen, I decided to run the garbage disposal. Bad move. No movement and no sound. No garbage disposal either. It too decided to go on strike. Murphy's Law was in action full force.

For all the drama and trauma..the party turned out to be a wonderful event! Good food, good company... and hilarious karaoke. Many good ...and now funny memories will be our keepsake.

Truthtelling

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change
something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."
-R. Buckminster Fuller


SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Ideally, you wouldn't even be reading
this. You'd be white-water rafting along the Franklin River in Tasmania, or
riding on "the train at the end of the world" in Tierra del Fuego, or
observing Golden Bamboo lemurs in the rainforest of southeastern
Madagascar. Ideally, Sagittarius, you'd be far away from any newspaper
that carries my column. You'd be taking a vacation from the Internet and
unable to access my horoscopes there. In fact, you'd be out of touch with
all media, period. But since you are reading this, you must not be doing
the ideal thing. So please do the next best thing: Flee as far as possible
from your usual haunts, your habitual influences, and your customary
comforts.
Rob Brezney

I should be doing all of those things...
If you have not had the pleasure and delight of reading Rob Brezney's work.
Check him out
here:
http://FreeWillAstrology.com

His writings are fantastic, juicy and inspiring. I simply adore his gift.

San Diego Pride

Well after living in San Diego for over 17 years, I finally made it to part of the Pride celebrations. My goal was to see the infamous parade. but after driving around looking for parking that was not 5 miles away, I gave up. But the driving around was interesting and entertaining on its own. What an adventure!




















My personal favorite...



























You must appreciate any sentiment that gives praise to women...






These were just some of the sights to be taken in at today's events. It was truly eyeopening and fun. Something for every single person could be found, and that is indeed.. Diversty!

Loving Maui

And maybe next time I will find Love in Maui! What a beautiful island... The time I spent here was stunning and memorable.

Evening walk

I have made a commitment to myself... again. And as I've said before "this time is different.
My life is short, no matter how long I am lucky enough to have. So I must be better. I must do better in all things. Caring for my body, my spirit, my mind... my family and friends... It can and will be done.

In pursuit of this goal, I came home this evening and rather than, parking my ass on the couch to watch the days talk shows and decompress from a strange/difficult/hectic work day; I put on my running clothes and hit the pavement. It was a beautiful evening, clear and brisk...

As I ran, and sometimes walked through the tourists gathered at the harbor, I prayed. Being grateful for living in this magnificent city.. For my health and the opportunity to earn a living. I prayed for those innocent people who lost their lives on the Air France 447 flight. I though of the horror they must have felt in those moments before impact and I sent up my prayer.

All along the way, I ran past several homeless people making their beds for the night. And I was grateful for my amazing condo. One of them was talking to a friend..or maybe it was just a passerby. He said "I had a boxing career, I had a singing career, And I want someone to write about that. I was good, probably still am. But if I die today, they won't write nothing about that. They won't write nothing about what did that was good while I was here".

Though I don't know his name, and he will never see this post. I wanted to write down what I heard from him. So that something about what he did while he was here, is documented.

View from Below

Out of the sunroof, downtown San Diego on a gorgeous Spring evening... taken while cruising in to the Harbor neighborhood...

Neo-Mannerist

1976... I remember clearly sitting in my living room.. maybe 10 years old or so...
Listening to " I Want You" Marvin Gaye's new vinyl at the time. My sister and cousins, singing and dancing. All of us taking turns being the lead singer on our favorite jam... Not just with this album but with lots.. covers spread across the sofa and floor... record jackets out so we could read/sing the words..

I was often mesmerized by the covers of these albums. Sitting for long periods dissecting and trying to see every part them. The cover of this album was one that captured my attention and had me sitting trying to see into the faces of those beautiful black folk.. dancing, drinking, happy, sad, alone and together... while the music played in the background and our teen and preteen selves pretended to embody their passion...

At that time, I had no idea who Ernie Barnes was. Only later in life did I discover more about the man and his art and his life. This week, Mr. Barnes passed away, 70 years of living a life full of success and trials. Living through segregation, always pursuing art even during his days with the Denver Broncos... Hard - Soft.. Bone cracking - Soul searching


http://www.erniebarnes.com/index.html


I love this quote from Ernie Barnes in an article by NPR

Barnes never painted his subjects with their eyes open.

"We don't see each other. "We are blind to each other's humanity."

Farewell to a great artist and Human Being.

Last Days

Well, I dare ask the question that one should never, ever ask. No matter the circumstances...
Here it goes...

Could it get any worse?

My Mother always said that is a question you never want an answer to, particularly during a rough period. But I did it anyway.

The worst financial crisis since 1929

Severe Global warming that threatens the living systems we have created

Job Loss, Gigantic companies going under faster than the Titanic

Graduating students with no prospects to look for

Low flying planes in New York for the sake of a good picture..sending people into the streets
running for their lives

Possible Global pandemic of the dreaded Swine flu

And now Arlen Spector wants to become a Democrat??!

It's all too much to take in.

Peace Out

Wine Country

Who knew that our own Sacramento Valley is the cradle of fabulous wine country vineyards? Not I... that is until last week. Taking a break from a long and somewhat stressful conference in our state's capitol, some friends decided to take an adventure and try a wine tasting tour.

When one thinks of good wines, beautiful countryside filled with charm and elegance, Sacramento does not usually come to mind, but now it should...


The wines we tasted were just as smooth, rich, bright, tangy, clean, peachy and refreshing as any I've tasted...

A view from the car window...


.

To be Grateful

Is to be present. Constantly aware of what blessings you have been awarded.

I have been in one of those weeks where the work is constant... Rising at 4:30am... do a workout..go to work. Try to manage those stresses with grace and professionalism. (Trust me, this is not easy when you manage people. They are crazy.) Come home, eat a little something hoping that it doesn't turn into a lot of something... bad.

Try to finish the work that you could not do at the office. Go to bed..
Just when I think it is safe to complain and scream to the Universe "why me?! why this?!"
I get a reality check. They come from various sources...

Sometimes I get them driving home, passing a man with a cardboard sign, asking for help.

I get it when I overhear a story about a woman at work who was just diagnosed with breast cancer.

I get it when I watch the news...

The good thing, I think is that I am getting it more often. And I realize how tremendously lucky I am even with all of my "problems".

I get it.

Passings...

Today, in the middle of a long meeting...
Discussing "what ifs" and thinking about what comes to mind as you move through to a resolution..
Clarity rang in...

With a phone call from my Father...
"My brother, your Uncle Derby died today at 12:30pm."
Then it was quiet. What were these people talking about anyway...

I need to get out of that room
Figure out how make sure my Dad can pay respects to his brother..
My Uncle...

Phone calls back and forth...Detroit to San Diego
San Diego to LA
LA to Detroit... LA to San Diego..
San Diego to Detroit...

The only thing final so far is the end of a life...
Always grateful for the continuation of my own...

Narcissism

1. Egoism: 1 a: a doctrine that individual self-interest is the actual motive of all conscious action b: a doctrine that individual self-interest is the valid end of all actions 2: excessive concern for oneself with or without exaggerated feelings of self-importance

2. love of or sexual desire for one's own body

3. When someone close to you tells you that their uncle is dying and they will have to attend a funeral in the next week, and your response is: "So I guess that means you are not coming out.; You know I played 18 holes of golf today and did really well!; You can't afford to buy a ticket to Detroit. ; I guess funerals are important and you'll have to use your credit card. (while in the meantime they spend $500 on golf in one week.

Never once said "Oh I am sorry to hear that sweetheart. Are you okay? What are your plans? How can I help? How is your Dad taking the news? ... No. Nothing like that...

It is all about priorities...

"Narcissism and self-deception are survival mechanisms without which many of us might just jump off a bridge."Todd Solondz

Blue Sky Hiking

Hiking in the mountains of San Diego on a cloud filled day in the Blue Sky Trail was amazing. The hike was not for the weak at heart or spirit. The climb was steep, and the reward spectacular.


Trees burned from the recent fires... surrounded by new life...



Beautiful vistas and, of course, Blue Skies....


Anne Frank:

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.

President and First Lady of the UNITED States of America

"The light of the new age is here"...  (Forrest Whitaker)

After taking the oath of the Presidency with his hand on the Bible last used by Abraham Lincoln, our new President made his way to commune and celebrate this historic moment with the people that helped put him in office

A beautiful couple and family to represent our great country. I am Proud to be an American.

I finally feel that my history will no longer relegated to a few chapters on Slavery, demeaning descriptions of the natives who inhabit the "Dark Continent", or the few larger than life hero's and heroine's assassinated before for their belief in equality and justice, by fear and hate filled white men. I belong here. Just as you belong here with me.

From the Emancipation Proclamation and Abraham Lincoln ~ The 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution officially abolished and continues to prohibit slavery and involuntary servitude, except as punishment for a crime. Adopted December 6, 1865.

To Franklin Delano Roosevelt whose New Deal was extremely helpful to African Americans and other minorities, but who also declined to vote for anti-lynching legislation to preserve his southern voter constituency...

To Martin Luther King, Jr. who saw the vision of equality and justice realized in his dream..but did not live to see it to fruition. Who had great faith in the potential that this nation could transcend its own moral ineptitude..

To John and Robert Kennedy.... to all of the unsung, unspoken and unknown heros who fought and died for the rights of those who had no rights....

To a man, who at one time would have considered worth only 3/4ths of a white person.. sworn into the highest position in the Nation, if not the world (can't be too ethnocentric) taking the oath of the Presidency with his hand on the same bible used by Lincoln...

To each one of us, who are alive to witness this sea change toward hope, empowerment and contribution.

"I am asking you to Believe. Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington... I am asking you to believe in yours"...  ~Obama

She Shows Her Stress In Her Feet

"Is it time to go home yet? I keep clicking these damn shoes, but nothing happens"

I heard my mobile phone ring... (it has the ring of a traditional door bell), but I was tired of de-briefing our day... a few hours spent at my parents home.  I let the phone go, mostly because I had to answer the front door, or at least see if I was going to answer the front door. (Turned out, I was not).  When I called my sister back, we were immediately into our session. 

Today's visit to my Mom & Dad's comes on the heels of the 3rd cancel of her planned knee replacement surgery that began in September 2008. From that point to today, our family has been trying to prepare for her recovery. She has canceled 3 times. This time, because she has a sore throat, the time before that was so she would not ruin Christmas. My sister and I secretly think this sickness was a convenient coincidence with the Inauguration of one President Obama..but I degress.  Though I know and understand this cancel is for the best in terms of her health, it is still frustrating for some reason. She canceled yesterday, after all of us, myself, my sister, my brother in law made plans to be away from work and other obligations in order to be there for her... for the 3rd time. My supervisor at work simply giggled in empathy when I told her the news.. I would be in the office (except for tomorrow..for obvious reasons).

Anyway, today's visit to Grandma's was the first since my niece's birthday on the 17th. When we arrived, her grandmother had nothing for her. Nothing. The card she had was still in the Rite Aid bag that she got when she purchased it. Sitting at the dining table with my niece, grandmother tells her to go get a pen so she can sign the card. She gives the card to the new teenager and then tells her to go find 50 dollars in her purse. Then the grandmother makes a big deal out her extravagant birthday gifts. I could not bear it.

We were there for 3 hours and it was quite difficult for me to remain calm and patient. Between the birthday dismissal and the surrounding clutter, I was near my wits end. The phone call this evening from my sister was to tell me that my niece told her she could tell I was stressed out at grandma's house. When my sister asked her why she thought that, my niece said, "Well when we first got there, Auntie was walking around lightly, but as time went on, she was walking really hard. I think she shows her stress in her feet".

Classic, n'est pas?

Misty morning... don't see no sun

December 30th brought a fog bank into San Diego harbor... it felt like another city. The fog horns blowing, the cold, wet breeze covering the city... misting your skin... fizzing your hair... loving every minute of this unique morning in a city that is usually sunny and 72 degrees of perfection. The pace of everything slowed to accommodate nature.


"Misty morning, don't see no sun, I know you're out there somewhere, having fun. There is one mystery, yes, I just can't express. To give you more... to receive you less. One of my good friend say, in a reggae riddim, "Don't jump in the water, if you can't swim". The power of philosphy, floats through my head, light as a feather, heavy as lead..." Bob Marley







View without the fog

Scenes from December 2008

Fire Goddess Christmas


Dolphin flying to the Star of India