What light thru yonder window..

The week ended for me with exhaustion… I was just tired. Tired of what seems to be the constant crisis management I seem to be in. Most of it centered on people who don’t want to work with one another, who can’t seem behave in a professional manner, who are not fit for the position they are in and are not trying to improve. People. The bane and the life’s blood of our existence. As I walk out to my car, with the rain pouring down and the wind blowing in my face, I try to let go. It is not working. Then I remember what always brings me back to reality. The collapse of the freeways in San Francisco. 5pm, folks rushing home after work…in traffic. Upset about some craziness that they might have been dealing with that day, or week. In the next moment they are crushed by tons of concrete. It’s all gone. See. Works every time. I am happy and looking forward to a great couple of days off.

The weekend starts with an exhale. Peaceful. Meditative. A nice run (both days), a tasty meal and a good book. I thought I would go to the show (movies) with some friends, maybe have lunch. But it turned out I needed to be alone with myself. The weekend ended spending time alone, golfing, cleaning, and purging my closets. Nice. Quiet. Most of my weekends are this way, spent alone

But wait! Is this how I am going to end up spending my weekends until I am 50?! Alone?
No love interest…just my plants, my books, my golf clubs? Really? Thanks to allergies, at least I won’t be filling my home with cats. But will this be all there is? Probably.
Many of the Black women I know are single… raising children alone..living alone..and finding confort and comapnionship in family and a solid network of friends. Focusing on career and other interests. As do I... one of the many single Black women over 35 who will most likely never have a traditional family of their own. And though our lives are full, there is a tinge of what could be missing...immediately followed by the affirmation that nothing is missing at all.

Even still, I am not ready to throw in my cards and cash in my chips just yet.

At least not today.

This picture, taken at the Arc de Triumph, is one that I love. Today it illustrates how I sometimes feel at the thought of things that may lay ahead. At the situations and emotions one must manage in a day. At the tribulations we survive when we did not know we had it in us. Strong. Evocative.