Resolutions 2008...

On the verge of the eve... anticipating the blessing of a New Year to live, love and make the most of each day I get to spend here on this planet... I list the promises to myself and to my family and friends of being better and doing better. Hokey? Probably. Cliche... most certainly... but still important as it serves as a reminder that change is critical to growth and the metamorphosis continues...

This year I will:
*Meditate and work on my spiritual journey. Pairing with those souls with whom I connect.
*Treat my body as the temple it is. Stop abusing it, with overindulgence of food and/or drink to hide from those emotions that seem too intense at times to bear. (It is so much easier to sleep instead).
*Continue to reach for those goals I have set for myself.
*Never let the opinions and critical actions/remarks of others damage my self esteem or forward motion
*Not have good sex with bad men or bad sex with good men. I will strive to have good sex with good men. Or keep it to myself.
*Not tolerate poor treatment from anyone. I will voice my opinions, position, emotions as I feel necessary.
*Be true to myself.
*Purchase a home
*Surround myself with positive energy as much as possible. When it is not possible I will create that energy myself.
*Not let fear drive my decision making
*Be a better friend, daughter, Sister, Auntie each day

Go 'head.. It's your birthday!

Yes, it was my birthday last week, and what a fabulous time I had!
There is nothing like spending time in celebration with family and friends....
and it is particularly exciting when the celebration surrounds you! All about that little (or far too big EGO).

Nonetheless, I had a blast.
Friday: Out with the girls. Dinner and a show. Not your traditional show, mind you. This was a "Lips" celebration featuring Cher, Beyonce, and a host of other celebrities. This was a Show in Drag with good food and drink to keep the parties going. I have never seen so much glitter, booty and everything else on men dressing like women, and men becoming women. Fascinating! Cashmere was the waitress for our not-so-rowdy table of 7. A big "girl" with some serious biceps, a lovely personality, and a pretty tight ass. On her days off, she wrestles. But that I am sure, is a very different show.
Throughout the evening while we dined, we were treated to a number of musical vignettes by Queens in various stages on the quest to gain their crowns. By far, the most intriguing was a petit Asian starlett whose skimpy outfits left little to the imagination, though I did wonder how she tucked it in so well. There was no trace.... incredible.
The crowd was diverse but everyone there had at least one thing in common: they wanted to have a good time. The Divas made sure of that... and I have to say, I have never so happy to be called a Bitch so many times in one evening.

What light thru yonder window..

The week ended for me with exhaustion… I was just tired. Tired of what seems to be the constant crisis management I seem to be in. Most of it centered on people who don’t want to work with one another, who can’t seem behave in a professional manner, who are not fit for the position they are in and are not trying to improve. People. The bane and the life’s blood of our existence. As I walk out to my car, with the rain pouring down and the wind blowing in my face, I try to let go. It is not working. Then I remember what always brings me back to reality. The collapse of the freeways in San Francisco. 5pm, folks rushing home after work…in traffic. Upset about some craziness that they might have been dealing with that day, or week. In the next moment they are crushed by tons of concrete. It’s all gone. See. Works every time. I am happy and looking forward to a great couple of days off.

The weekend starts with an exhale. Peaceful. Meditative. A nice run (both days), a tasty meal and a good book. I thought I would go to the show (movies) with some friends, maybe have lunch. But it turned out I needed to be alone with myself. The weekend ended spending time alone, golfing, cleaning, and purging my closets. Nice. Quiet. Most of my weekends are this way, spent alone

But wait! Is this how I am going to end up spending my weekends until I am 50?! Alone?
No love interest…just my plants, my books, my golf clubs? Really? Thanks to allergies, at least I won’t be filling my home with cats. But will this be all there is? Probably.
Many of the Black women I know are single… raising children alone..living alone..and finding confort and comapnionship in family and a solid network of friends. Focusing on career and other interests. As do I... one of the many single Black women over 35 who will most likely never have a traditional family of their own. And though our lives are full, there is a tinge of what could be missing...immediately followed by the affirmation that nothing is missing at all.

Even still, I am not ready to throw in my cards and cash in my chips just yet.

At least not today.

This picture, taken at the Arc de Triumph, is one that I love. Today it illustrates how I sometimes feel at the thought of things that may lay ahead. At the situations and emotions one must manage in a day. At the tribulations we survive when we did not know we had it in us. Strong. Evocative.