Repetition

Okay, I am beginning to wonder if some things happen because I am prepared for them to happen, creating a cause/effect situation...  Or if they simply happen regardless of my preparation or lack thereof.  It is of course the latter.

After repeated behaviors one can begin to recognize a pattern. If the behaviors creating this pattern also happen to, without exception, cause emotional pain, drama, depression... you name the negative side effect, then one will tend to prepare/protect oneself from the effects of these behaviors.

Thus is the current situation. Having seen the pattern over and over again. The emotional distance, the constant criticism, the unpredictable behavior... the inability to communicate and the irrational high so apparent after causing some pain.  They say girls tend to marry or seek out partners that embody aspects of their fathers.  In this case it was clearly the aspects of the Mother that are being sought. Not quite sure why...would be an interesting conversation to have with a professional. But the similarities are astounding!

The same emotional blackmail and constant, slow torture.  One moment happy and delightful. The next, mean and hateful. Tearing up a room, telling a young child that if it weren't for her, the dreams of the mother could have been realized. Presently that manifests into: "If it weren't for you, I'd certainly have more funds to give to my family". My answer?..Give them to your family. Oh, wait, none of them really speak to you. And when they do, all they want is your money. Now I remember.

The armor against such arrows is well honed now. That is not to say that they don't sting or hurt anymore. But simply that less of them get through to the soft tissue underneath the skin, and that alone is a triumph.

What's love got to do with it? What is love but a second hand emotion...